normally i was thinking who am i doing in this world?
Is that really me a person worth to be exist in this world...Is that i worth to be a God's son...i am not actually who i am in what others see...i have sumthing inside...deep inside...a secret that only i knew what i am going on...i hope the secret din exist in me...i jz want to be a normal person...without any ability...without any intelligence...without any talent...without any gifts from God...
If i can subsitute the secret with all my strength i willing to do so...really!!
Sumtime i jz talk to myself inside...two voices fighting and quarrelling...but always the bad side wins...i tired of hearing this struggle...Is hard...is tortured...my soul and my mind...sumtime i jz thinking of commit suicide becuz i feel hard to fall between righteousness and desires...
If i can subsitute the voices with all my life i willing to do so...really!
I jz want to ask God...Why i feel like this...Why i act like this...Why i become so weak in front of the temptation...Why i become very cunning when i want to satisfy my desires...Why? Why? Why?....Why God want to put the secret in me...i had been trying for so many years since i knew it is wrong...but i jz couldn't to get rid of it...it jz come in nature...come as an instinct...come in gens
Is tat really an instinct...the world gives me a "No"...But why i jz cun stop myself from thinking of that...why i cun make myself be a right person...for so many years, i was controlled by the secret day by day...year to year
i was tired...very tired...i was hopeless...despair...disappointed...useless...jerk...hypocrite...
will i get a treatment, God?
will i get a punishment for what i have done, God?
will i get a repay for my irresponsible of controlling myself God?
God i need ur help
To be normal
To be good
To be ur son...
i know u r the only one can help
i need to know ur way in me
i need to know the way of salvation in my secret...
i hope for a revival...a recovery... a testimony... and Your way in me
Teach me Lord
Guide me Lord
Supervise me Lord
Rod me Lord
whenever U can to wake me up
Thank You....!!
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2 comments:
hey, my fren.. although i duno wat happen in u. but i hope u will always happy.. dun always keep thing inside. sometimes its good to talk it out although its hard.. cheer up! ;P
thanks for support...
but this thing even said out is not use one...
dun worry u will still a cheerful me
it is jz an inside of me that i think only me myself knew
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